23 years old, Northern California girl just tryin to get by. This is shit that I like.
And the EXACT REASON WHY YOU NEVER WATCH TRUE BLOOD WITH YOUR DOOR OPEN WHEN YOU LIVE WITH YOUR GRANDMOTHER JUST HAPPENED.
Grandma Betty’s bedroom literally shares a wall with mine, so I can hear when she gets up to go to the kitchen, or bathroom, or whatever. That being said, it was at the very moment that a vampire was pretty much ramming into one of the main characters, that my grandma decided it was time to visit the restroom. The restroom, of course, is located on the other side of the hallway, past my bedroom door.
Hearing her get up out of her rocking chair, I rushed to pause the television, not wanting her to obviously hear the sounds of passionate, supernatural lovemaking… but unfortunately, that didn’t really solve my problem, because before I could think to do anything else, Grandma Betty had walked past my room, stopped… and looked straight at my television screen, where two very pale, very naked people were quite literally fucking the shit out of each other in the middle of a fucking forest.
And here’s what she said:
Grandma: “Oh honey, when did you get your television fixed?”
Me: “Um… Grandma… I’ve been watching this since I moved in…” [looks nervously at the TV]
Grandma: “Ooohhhh well I’ve never seen it before, you always have your door closed!”
Me: [nervous glances continue]
Grandma: “Really, what a niiiiice television set! It’s like your own private screening!”
Literally as she kept commenting on the quality of my TV set, she also kept looking back and forth from my probably terrified face, to the frozen scene on my TV where a tall vampire’s ass was plunging into the awaiting vagina of a blonde southern belle.
Finally, after several awkward seconds of me literally not saying anything, she walked back into her room and continued watching television - never mentioning, or asking, what exactly it was that I was watching.
But you know what I realized, after she sat back down?
Bitch didn’t even go to the bathroom.